Executive's Guide to Flourishing: The transformative power of self-compassion in leadership
One particularly common and debilitating challenge for seniors leaders, is the propensity to engage in self-criticism and judgement. In this article, I explore why this tendency is so prevalent, the damage it can inflict on an individual and organisational level, and the crucial role that self-compassion plays in fostering a more proactive, innovative, kinder, and productive culture.
As a leader and as an executive leadership development coach, I have experienced and witnessed the regularity that C-suite executives grapple with this issue. Self-criticism and judgment are particularly common in high-pressure environments because they often stem from a deeply ingrained belief that we must push ourselves to the limit to achieve success. This belief is reinforced by societal expectations and the demands of the corporate world, where relentless drive and ambition are often valued above all else.
In this context, senior executives may feel that they must constantly prove their worth and demonstrate their competence, leading them to scrutinise their every move and berate themselves for any perceived shortcomings.
The dialogue of our inner critic can be relentless. Repeatedly telling us, “We are not enough, not good enough, not successful enough, not kind enough”. We can get a break from a critical boss, partner or stakeholder, but that inner critic can follow us wherever we go.
While self-awareness and reflection are important for personal and professional growth, excessive self-criticism and judgement can be incredibly damaging. At the individual level, these tendencies can contribute to chronic stress, burnout, and a host of emotional, mental and physical health issues.
At the organisational level, they can hinder collaboration and innovation, as leaders may be reluctant to solicit feedback, admit to mistakes, failures, or entertain new ideas or challenges for fear of appearing weak or incompetent.
This is where self-compassion becomes crucial. By cultivating an attitude of self-compassion, senior executives can learn to treat themselves with the same kindness, understanding, and support that they would offer a friend or colleague. This is not to suggest that self-compassion involves complacency or self-indulgence; rather, it is about acknowledging our imperfections and vulnerabilities, and recognising that we are all human beings who will inevitably encounter fear, worry, challenges and setbacks.
In my experience, developing self-compassion can have transformative effects for both senior executives and their organisations. For one, self-compassionate leaders are better equipped to cope with the inevitable discomfort and tensions that arise in high-pressure situations, such as tense meetings, crises, or interpersonal conflicts.
Instead of succumbing to self-doubt, blame or engaging in destructive self-criticism, they can acknowledge their feelings of discomfort, extend kindness to themselves and others, and respond with more empathy, resilience and adaptability.
When leaders practice self-compassion, they also create a more compassionate and supportive organisational culture. By modelling self-compassionate behaviour, they encourage others to be more open about their struggles, more willing to ask for help, and more inclined to collaborate and innovate. After all, if people share concerns, challenges or errors, people can work together to overcome them. If they hide serious issues, it can kill the organisation.
Openness and courageous vulnerability not only foster a growth mindset, but also contribute to a more positive, inclusive, productive and enjoyable work environment. This helps create a psychologically safe environment, which is critical in creating and maintaining top performing teams.
How to cultivate self-compassion
So how can senior executives begin to cultivate self-compassion? Here are a few strategies that I have found to be particularly effective:
Self-compassionate language: Practice speaking to yourself as you would to a friend, colleague, or partner, with kindness and understanding. Replace self-critical thoughts with a more balanced and compassionate approach. You may wish to try these guided self-compassion practices.
Mindfulness & meditation: Develop a regular mindfulness or meditation practice, to help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, and to respond to them with greater equanimity. This is a useful introduction to developing internal awareness.
Emotional regulation: Develop great emotional awareness, literacy, and regulation – This is a game changer and the Complete app is a fantastic tool to aid this. The guided missions give you bite size practices through which you can more easily make progress at your own pace.
Practice forgiveness: Practising conscious forgiveness regularly is a very powerful technique. Simply acknowledge where you’ve not met your hopes or expectations and forgive yourself. Many people don’t realise that forgiving others can actually be a gift to ourselves. Some find this especially hard so you may wish to try these guided forgiveness practices. These may help you to be more able to let go of resentment, frustration and anger toward yourself and others.
Recognise our common humanity: Remind yourself that everyone, including senior executives, face challenges, make mistakes, and experiences self-doubt. Acknowledging our shared humanity can help us feel more connected to others and less isolated in our struggles.
Embrace imperfection: Accept that we are all perfectly imperfect, and that this is a natural and inevitable part of being human. Use your imperfections as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than as reasons for self-criticism and judgement. People say life is a continuous journey of development for good reason.
Reflect on past successes and growth: Regularly remind yourself of your accomplishments and the ways in which you have grown and evolved over time. This can help counterbalance self-critical thoughts and foster a greater sense of self-worth. Appreciation of self, and the journey we’ve been on is a beautiful gentle way to build greater resilience.
Cultivate a growth mindset: Embrace challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning, rather than as threats to your self-esteem. By focusing on learning, progress and development, rather than on proving your worth, or being right, you can create a more supportive and nurturing internal environment.
Seek support & feedback: Surround yourself with colleagues, friends, and family who can provide encouragement, perspective, and constructive feedback. Engaging in open and honest conversations about your challenges can help you feel less alone and more connected to others.
When you incorporate some of these practices into your daily routine, you will be well on your way to creating a more compassionate and nurturing relationship with yourself and others.
Conclusion
The importance of self-compassion for senior executives in high-pressure environments cannot be overstated. By developing a compassionate and supportive relationship with ourselves, we not only enhance our own well-being and resilience, but also contribute to a more innovative, kinder, more productive, and inclusive organisational culture.
As leaders, it is our responsibility to recognise the pitfalls of self-criticism and judgement, and to actively cultivate self-compassion as a powerful antidote. By doing so, we can create a more harmonious and effective work environment for ourselves and our colleagues, and ultimately drive greater success for our organisations and all its stakeholders.
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We appreciate your interest in our guided practices and meditations, including those featuring binaural beats. As you embark on this journey towards personal growth and development, we kindly ask you to read the following safety notice and disclaimer to ensure you have a safe and enjoyable experience.
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Consult a healthcare professional: Before engaging in any guided practices or meditations, please consult with a healthcare professional if you have a history of epilepsy, seizures, heart conditions, mental health conditions, or if you are pregnant.
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Sources & references:
Watkins A: (2021). Coherence: The science of exceptional leadership & performance. second edition
Brown, B. (2015). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success.